I’m writing a blog… really?
Me writing a BLOG... no, not me... see, I'm not great with spelling and grammar and all those things... I'm not articulate — heck, I write like how I speak... “Laurenese,” my husband calls it! But here I am, challenging that belief that’s gnawed away in the background for years! And just a warning — I like exclamation marks!!!
Over the last 2–3 years, I’ve had an intensive transformation through self-development and healing. With everything I’ve learned and observed, I’ve just tucked it away, not really wanting to share — because some of those old beliefs have still been running the show. The imposter syndrome, the “I might get it wrong,” the fear I’ll say something that makes no sense to anyone else — all those things. I’ve really had to challenge that part of myself and get really curious.
The best way I can describe it is to literally see it as another version of me, an alter ego, a duplicate-hologram of myself. She stands to the right of me, a little higher in the air, like on a 45-degree angle above me... oh yes, there she is... that voice that keeps me small!
She’s incredibly subtle. She sounds like my own voice in my head, but it’s actually not me, not my true self. It’s my ego self, or a pain-body version — like the saying goes, “I’ve got a monkey on my back.” What’s scarier is that we all walk around with this voice constantly chatting in our brains, and we think it’s TRUE! But it’s just a story, an illusion and yet it’s so believable and powerful. Damn it!!! I should know better... whoops... there she goes again! Argh! How do I escape it??
Breathe. And see her next to me, not as a part of me. Huh, that feels better... ooo, that’s interesting. Yep, now I see her separate from me. Breathe. It’s practice to be the observer. It’s practice to breathe and notice the thought for what it is — just a thought — and to remember that it’s our choice how much power we give it.
So here I am, writing my first blog. I have a few things I’d love to share with the world, and I really hope you enjoy these conversations.
Back to my journey so far — like I said, the last 2–3 years have been a massive deep dive. I got to a point where the pull to this spiritual journey wasn’t just calling, it was screaming at me! Haha! Through synchronicities and signs I just couldn’t ignore, I followed the breadcrumbs, and I’ve been on a wild, life-changing exploration of the greater universe ever since.
I’ll go into more detail another time, but I just had to surrender and let go of the things that weren’t serving me, and then things started to fall into place. The breadcrumbs started with the smallest of thoughts... and the loudest ones, too. Thoughts and feelings like, “It’s time to close down my photography business” (after 10 years). Oh shit! Really?? Are you sure?? YES — okay then! And once I made the decision, my body responded — the stress hormones literally drained out of my system. Ahhh... the weight off my shoulders... the breath I could finally take. It felt right.
That’s how the shift begins, a thought, time to marinate, the body somatically responds, and then clarity fills every cell of your being. That feeling that just feels right again. If I stayed stuck in the marinating, the overthinking, questioning, feeling confused, that would tell me there’s something else that needs to be looked at. Maybe an underlying belief, childhood programming, or fear that needs to surface first.
And the main thing to remember? What’s happening is precisely how it’s meant to happen. That is surrender.
If you’ve read this far, I’m impressed! Thanks for sticking with me. I’m not sure what will become of this little space here under the “BLOG” tab, but I’m excited to see what channels through. This is me re-writing that old program of “she’s so quiet” — because now I have something to say.
Lauren
x
